Things Always Happen to Wash
by EzraEssence
Summary: Post RvB Season 12. While investigating alien artifacts, Caboose was playing around with something he shouldn't have. That device activated and transported Wash into the Fade. Yeah.


**Things Always Happen to Wash**

Post RvB Season 12. While investigating alien artifacts, Caboose was playing around with something he shouldn't have. That device activated and transported Wash into the Fade. Yeah.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Dragon Age Series or Red vs Blue series.

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 **Chapter 1**

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"These artifacts had been inactive for centuries. We can never get any of them to work no matter what we try on them," Dr. Grey explained cheerfully to Carolina as they looked over the stash.

"But they manage to make a weapon from this alien tech." Carolina interceded then they heard the insufferable noise of onomatopoeia sounds of gun beams and fake deaths. She looked over to see some of the Red and Blues playing pretend while holding advance alien tech as weapons. "Quit! Fooling. Around."

"Oh come on, we're bored! We've been here for a couple of hours now!" Tucker complained.

Carolina restrained herself. She mustn't lose her patience. "Then why don't you all just check the perimeter then if you're that bored?"

"No way! I've already done that three times!" Tucker scoffed.

Simmons had to agree. "Plus! It's too soon for the enemy to come back and do payback. There's nothing to do a perimeter for."

She gritted her teeth. "Then why don't you all stay quiet?"

While they continued to argue, Caboose was running around, looking through all the tech with his gun, Freckles.

"Freckles, Freckles, look! More magical cubes~~"

"Hey uh Caboose? Why don't you go…play over there?" Wash asked, pointing to the deactivated alien tech. He had a bad feeling of Caboose playing with the cubes.

"Aye, aye! Agent Washington!" Caboose saluted before running to the corner of the room. "I will play over heeeerrrree~~!"

Wash watched him before shaking his head but there was a smile behind his visor. He went back to work, checking through every weapon before stacking them neatly back into the crate.

"Agent Washington!"

"Yes, Caboose?" Wash responded without turning around. It was probably nothing that important. Plus, there were more crates to go through. Now if only those idiots would help, this could go faster, but trusting them to handle alien tech? Nope. He wasn't ready for that yet, even if they were deactivated.

"Agent Washington! Green is a strange color!"

"Uhh…Yeah. Caboose. Yes. Green is strange."

"I just realized! We never had…any… Greeeeens… Then! It would be Red verses Blue _verses_ GREEN! I mean they are primary colors!" Wash wondered if Caboose had always been this…. _special_. Then Caboose added, "Wow. It's getting brighter and brighter!"

"Scanning… Threat detected! Must destroy!" Freckles suddenly said and Wash paused from his work.

What?

He stood up, turning around and he saw Caboose was touching a pyramid structure. The top was opening and a bright green light was pouring out.

What the hell?!

The building started shaking, and the others started complaining of what was happening. They came to investigate, stumbling about but too far to get to Caboose.

The light started to grow, brightening the room around them.

"You fucking Idiot! What did you do now!?" Church was heard shouting but Caboose didn't listen as he reached out to touch the light.

"CABOOSE!" Washington yelled as he ran right at him, and at the very last second, he shoved him away and the bright green light shot him.

A bright green beam shot out from the light of the pyramid, hitting Washington's body. His whole body instantly was engulfed of that green light and his body felt like it was on fire.

In the next second, however, Washington just disappeared.

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"Awh…ow… what happened?" Washington questioned as he unsteadily got up from the ground, wobbling a bit. He definitely felt sick.

Where was he?

He was in some sort of desolate place, sand flying everywhere. Not too far away though, there was a bright green light, similar to the pyramid that Caboose activated.

"Ugh… I need to get back. I got to make sure Caboose has simple toys to play with before he messes around with unknown equipment," he made a note to himself as he started walking over to the direction of the light, holding his battle rifle close to him.

He walked and for how long? He didn't know until he made it to a particularly flight of steps.

Then he heard noises.

He looked behind him and there was a massive group of humungous spiders.

"Holy shit!" Washington cursed aloud as he began firing. They died pretty easily before suddenly a web shot out and took his rifle, pulling it away from his hands.

He couldn't get to it on time as they surrounded him.

He took out his magnum and fired but there were too many of them.

He started running, climbing up the mountain steps that started to become jagged and impossible to walk on. He climbed and at the very top was a woman of gold.

What the fuck was happening? He didn't know but he continued to climb until he grasped hold of _her_ hand.

Before he knew it, he was in another place. Rubble and stone everywhere, smoke and debris. He didn't understand.

He saw people running towards him with…swords..?

Before he knew it, the world darkened around him and he passed out.

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"…Maker..! It's moving…!"

"Get Seeker Pentaghast! Quick..!"

Harsh and quick whispers echoed slightly and Wash started to wake from his deep slumber. Where was he? He looked down to see a stone floor as he got on his knees, then looked up to find himself in some sort of force field.

Unknowingly to him, the Seeker had a mage construct a barrier around the prisoner as they were unsure of what he is.

Washington was about to get on his feet, but then he felt a threshold of pain radiating from his left hand.

"Argh! Ow! What the––… what the fuck?" Washington was shocked to see his left hand glowing. Of course, he was missing his gauntlet, and he could this strange green glowing mark––giving off that same energy when that pyramid hit him.

He looked over to find himself in... A barn, was it? Where is he?

Wash looked over to see three civilians wearing…armor. Like medieval armor. Not only that but they had blades drawn out.

Did he landed in a place where there's larping involve?

"Hey! You three, get me out of here!" Wash ordered. "And where am I?"

One of them whispered, "The thing spoke––"

"I am NOT. A thing. Haven't you all seen a Spartan before?" Washington asked and just then, the doors flew open and two women walked right in.

Just looking at them was enough for him to think of Carolina and Texas. They could probably also kick some ass. What got him more confused was that they were wearing medieval armor too.

"Who are you? And what _exactly_ are you?" The woman with the black hair asked, going up to the barrier, her hand on her blade. She huffed. "Does it even speak?"

Wash twitched.

"Yes. I can speak. Look, there must have been a misunderstanding––I'm not even supposed to be here," Wash tried to explain but the woman will have none of it.

The two women eyed at him curiously. The red head was watching him like a hawk. However, the woman with the eye on her armor wasn't deterred by his words as she took one step more to him.

"The Conclave was destroyed," She said. "Everyone who had attended died from the explosion, including Divine Justinia herself! …Except for _you_."

Washington's annoyance was rising. "And you think I did it? I don't even know what a conclave is, lady."

"Oh really? Then can you explain what _that_ is on your hand?" She asked, her suspicious tone went unnoticed.

"I… I can't!"

"What do you mean by you can't?!"

"I mean I don't know, LADY!"

The said lady drew out her blade and Wash did not find it frightening. Would it even go through his armor? He doubted it.

Then the red head intervened, stopping her friend, "Wait! We need him Cassandra."

'Cassandra' huffed before pulling away and sheathing her blade. The red head went up to him, stopping a foot away from the barrier.

"Can you tell us what you remember then? Can you recall anything?" She asked gently, nicer than the companion she keeps.

Washington let out a frustrated sigh. Well, if he wanted to get out of here, he must cooperate. "...I remember I was in a warehouse with my team. We were investigating some weapons when one of them activated some sort of device, then it transported me elsewhere… a desolate wasteland. Then, I was running from giant spiders… and there was a woman––"

"A woman?"

"Yes. She reached out to me, and… that's all I can remember." Wash explained the best he could.

Cassandra looked distrusting as she went up to the red head. "We can't trust him, Leliana. We can't let him go. We don't even know what it is."

"It's intelligent enough. Golem or not, we need him, Cassandra, to close the breach. You heard Solas––"

"Would you stop referring to me as an it? And I am not a golem. Moreover, what is this breach?" Washington asked.

The two glanced at each other before Cassandra stepped up to answer, "The breach is a hole in the sky where demons are pouring out. Devious magic at work, and a mage believes that you can close the breach."

Washington looked at her. "….Right."

"What? You doubt me?"

"There's no such thing as **magic**." He looked at them as if they had lost their minds, and they look at him as if he had grown another head.

Leliana shook her head. "Look. Whatever you are or whatever you believe, you need to help us close the Breach."

"And why should I––argh!" Washington stopped when he felt pain again coming from the glowing mark.

Cassandra retorted. "Because if you don't, then that mark will kill you at each passing second as the breach expands… unless you seal it."

Washington paused at that thinking. This mark was killing him? He did feel sick, which is strange, because he never got sick.

But how the hell was he supposed to close it?

"Decide now. Quickly!" She urged him.

After a few more moments, Washington conceded. "Fine. I'll help you close this breach."

Besides, how hard can it be?

The barrier went down by just Cassandra's blade as they exit out of the dark cellar, and outside was the biggest tear in the sky. Comets flying out and raining down upon the land.

Washington looked up, stunned.

Well… this was going to be harder than he thought it would be.

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 _Author's notes:_

 _The idea came to me when I began to revisit Red vs Blue, and then I thought which one of them would do best in the Dragon Age Series? So then I thought… Wash. Only Wash._

 _No pairings by the way. This is mostly for humor._


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